Well, I finally got off my duff and cranked out 750 words for Miss Snark. Actually, I wrote 1200 words and had to cut it down to fit the maximum. I squeaked in a few hours before the deadline, although I have not received confirmation that the email arrived safe and sound. So far, it’s not on her web site anywhere, so we’ll see.

This one seemed to fly by, but it took just as long… go figure!

What’s your name?
Daisy le Fey

When were you born?
About 27 years ago.

What is your hair like?
Straight. Light-blonde. Bobbed. No bangs.

What are your eyes like?
Hazel. Mascaraed because I can’t figure out that damn makeup spell. Last time I tried to magically augment my eyelashes, I accidentally gave myself cat whiskers. Maybe because I wear black cat-eye glasses.

Do fairies need glasses?
No… I just think they’re cool. I think they make me look smart. But maybe not. Maybe I should go glam, with some oversized Dolce & Gabbana. No, no, smart’s better. I’m trying to move up in the world. I’ll take any edge I can get.

What is your build like?
Medium height, medium weight. I’m not the skinniest, but that means I’ve got curves, which is a bonus.

How do you move?
Casually, maybe. I’m never in a hurry. I like to take my time. No sense rushing around getting all stressed out. I try to be low-stress, which is hard, because I always seem to get involved in some catastrophe or another. But I like to be relaxed, friendly.

What do you look like?
Like your average Tooth Fairy, I suppose. I want to be a glamorous one, but there’s no chance of that until I earn my wings. I think it adds to the mystique. Unfortunately, an apprentice doesn’t get anything glamorous.

Aren’t those wings I see behind your back?
Yes, but I made them myself. With glitter glue. Don’t want the little tykes waking up and screaming, “Hey! You’re not the Tooth Fairy! You don’t have any wings! Mo-o-om! Some lady’s stealing my teeth!” That sort of scene looks bad to my supervisors during my annual review.

Can you explain to me how this Tooth Fairy thing works? I thought there was only one.
Well, there’s only one to a grid. You’re right in that sense. It’s kind of like Santa. He can’t be everywhere at once, so he’s got his minions, right?

Santa has minions?
You know. Elves or whatever. Anyway, if you want to be a Tooth Fairy, you’ve got to apprentice to an established one. The more prestige/clout she’s got, the better.

Are all Tooth Fairies women?
God, yes. Can you see a man in this outfit? Besides, men don’t look right with glitter wings.

Good point. Back to the process…
Right. So, you apply for apprenticeship to the most bad-ass Tooth Fairy you can find—

Tooth Fairies are bad-ass?
Some are! Not me, I’ll admit, but I’m working on that. First I’ve got to land the permanent gig. So, I queried my A-list of Tooth Fairies, all of which turned me down. Probably because of that incident with the lmnop, but that’s another story. But I don’t give up easily. I targeted one continent at a time, and managed to land a spot with Miss Peru. I job-shadowed her for a several months before she finally gave me my first assignment.

Why do Tooth Fairies collect teeth?
I don’t know. It’s our job. We turn them over to the Fairy Board. Maybe they grind ‘em up and recycle them or something. Could be the key ingredient in Pixie dust, who knows.

Didn’t you work at the Pixie Dust Factory?
Yeah, and let me tell you, was that a grind. First off, no cool clothes and no wings. You come home covered in the dust, which if you’re lucky, won’t shake off into the carpet and turn your dog into a frog. I’m not that lucky.

You have a dog?
No, I have a frog. Weren’t you listening?

We’ll come back to that. Why did you want to be a Tooth Fairy?
For the glamour. Not that teeth are glamorous, but the sexy outfit sure is. And I’ve always wanted to have real wings. Delicate, translucent, glittery… I can’t wait.

How did you get involved with the Pixie Dust Factory?
Tooth Fairies aren’t the only kind of fairy, of course. I interned with a Fairy Godmother for exactly one week. The only spell I had any competence with was the one where you turn something into a pumpkin. Except I kept turning things into pumpkins when I was trying to do other spells. She was pretty cool about it until I turned her goddaughter into a pumpkin right in front of her One True Love. I got nothing but apprenticeship rejection letters after that, so it was off to the factory for me.

You’re awfully young to be a Fairy Godmother, aren’t you? What made you go that route?
The wand. Wands are easily as cool as wings. Matter of fact, I kept my trainer wand. Don’t tell anyone or I could get in Big Trouble. Unauthorized magical implements are considered contraband. Probably I should give back my tubs of faulty Pixie Dust, too. But you never know when it could come in handy.

How can Pixie Dust be faulty?
Hey, with me on the assembly line, anything can happen. Ha ha ha. Pixie Dust is zoned faulty when it misinterprets the spell and the results get all Monkey’s Paw on you.

Why would you keep it, then?
To practice with, of course. So far, I can only make pumpkins. If I could do something else—even if it was still wrong—it would be a huge improvement. Maybe I could even transfer into a magic field some day.

I see. Back to the main questions. What’s your social status?
I come from over-achiever parents, so I’ve been in all the “right circles” since childhood. I’ve got to live up to their reputations, which has turned out to be really hard. But I’m working on it.

Do you have any special skills or abilities?
Besides the pumpkin thing? Not really. Well, I can talk to where-wolves, if that counts.

Do you mean werewolves?
No. There’s no such thing as werewolves.

What’s a where-wolf, then?
They’re teleportation animals. Useful to those of us who can’t fly. I’ve never tried a flying spell because I can’t risk turning myself into a pumpkin until someone noticed and turned me back into myself. So I use where-wolves when I’m not on the job.

What do you use when you’re on the job?
When you’re traveling for sanctioned work purposes, you can use the General Transporter, which teleports you wherever you need to go. The receiver is embedded in a silver ring so that you can get back safely.

What would happen if you lost the ring?
I’d be stuck in the human world, and who would want that? Don’t jinx me!

Do you have any special talents or hobbies?
Well… I do have the current high score on Tetris, and I can sure play a mean game of air hockey. I won a pair of glass slippers from Maeve last week ‘cause she thought she could beat me. Wrong! Too bad I can’t wear the slippers on the job…

You have Tetris and air hockey?
We’re fairies, not cave men. We’ve also got Double Godiva Cheesecake and Desperate Housewives. Of course, most of it is smuggled in, but as long as you’re not caught…

By the way, why don’t Tooth Fairies wear shoes?
God, if I only knew! I’ve been writing letters every day since I got my internship. I’ve got more shoes than anyone I know and I can’t wear any of ‘em unless I’m off duty. Totally sucks. But can you imagine the Tooth Fairy showing up at Little Johnny’s bed side in strappy black stilettos or thigh-high red leather boots? (Totally not the effect the Board is going for, as they keep reminding me in their responses to my letters.)

What is your reputation?
I am NOT a bumbler. Maeve just says that to be mean. Not everybody can do everything perfectly the first time out, that’s all.

Okay, settle down. What are you content with?
My apartment’s pretty cool. Maeve is usually an awesome roommate. And of course I totally dig the Tooth Fairy outfit. Plus, Tooth Fairies aren’t supposed to interact with people, which is good for me, because that’s when things tend to go wrong.

What are you discontent with?
Well… I’m not sure how long the good life is going to last. Maeve is getting burned out and has made boyfriend noises. If she moves out, I’ll be on my own. I’ve never been on my own before, and I have the sneaking suspicion that I won’t get that right the first time either.

Do you want a boyfriend of your own?
I don’t know. I like the *idea* of a boyfriend. Who wouldn’t? But he’d have to be the sort of guy who liked me the way I am. Not a prissy fuddy-duddy, or someone worried about public opinion. Plus he’d have to like air hockey. I can bring my Tetris game-boy with me anywhere, but I can’t live without air hockey.

What’s your financial status?
Non-existent. We don’t have money. We have magic. Or at least, most people do. I have faulty Pixie Dust.

What’s your ethnicity?
Ah-ha! I wondered when you’d get to that. I’m mixed, as you probably know. My dad’s a Guardian Angel and my mom’s a Fairy Godmother. Told you they were over-achievers. And yes, that’s how I got the ill-fated internship. So I’m really only half-fairy.

And half-angel?
What, you believe in fairies but not angels? Give me a break.

What motivates you?
Shoes, to a large part. Or maybe glamour, since I have a thing for fairy wings and magic wands. But I have that huge thing for air hockey and Tetris, so maybe winning motivates me. I’ve never taken no for an answer. Stubborn to a fault, my mother always says. Of course, Maeve calls it “bitchy”.

Do you have any habits? Good or bad.
I like to be comfortable. So if I see a couch, I’m likely to flop down onto it. Of course, that might be because I’m wearing four-inch heels. Sexy shoes are way more comfortable when you’re not on your feet. And if they’re doing their job, you won’t be for long, right? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

So you’re saying you have a happening sex life?
I wish. I’m saying I wish my damn shoes would do their job. All they do is give me blisters.

Do you have particular patterns you fall into?
Well, I like to talk things over with Maeve. Usually after I rush headlong into something. She’s always trying to get me to do that the other way around, but so far I keep forgetting.

Describe your tastes.
Sexy shoes, comfy couches, glamorous glasses, easy-going men. Oh and Double Godiva Cheesecake. It seriously doesn’t get much better than that.

Do you have any quirks?
I like to think I’m pretty normal. Why, do I sound quirky to you?

I plead the fifth. What are your preferences?
Stillettos to flats, chocolate to vanilla, cheesecake to cookies, different to normal, competitive to passive, exciting to dull, spontaneity to predictability, friendship to isolation, adventure to safety.

What’s your greatest weakness?
Maybe… my impulsivity. Most of my troubles seem to stem from that.

What’s your greatest fear?
Being bored. Being *boring*. Feeling trapped.

What’s your greatest strength?
Perseverance. I don’t give up. And imagination. If at first you don’t succeed, dream up a different way to go after your goal.

Speaking of which, what’s your biggest goal?
This is going to sound stupid, but my biggest goal is probably being accepted for who I am. It’s just that I can’t seem to figure out who I am. I figure I’ll know just as soon as I find whatever it is that I’m good at. Clearly, it wasn’t fairy godmothering. And the Pixie Dust Factory? Bor-ing. Plus my where-wolf got turned into a frog. So I’m really hoping this Tooth Fairy thing works out. I really want to be a success story. I guess that’s my biggest goal.

Why? What’s your motivation for that?
Well, doesn’t everybody want to be a success? I guess it goes back to my parents, too. They’re both such raving successes that they’ve had Disney movies made after them. It’s hard to compete with that

Why do you feel you have to?
I guess like I said. Acceptance. They’ve never said so, but I’m pretty sure I’ve been a disappointment to them ever since I was born without wings.

I thought fairies didn’t get wings until they earned them?
Fairies, yes. Angels, no. Angels are born with wings. I wasn’t. I can never be an angel now. It’s something you’re born into. I was born just a regular kid. That had to be a kick in the guts for my parents.

Why?
‘Cause they’re so perfect, of course. And then to have me screw up pretty much every opportunity they managed to scrounge up for me… yeah, I’m sure it wasn’t pretty. But I’m an adult now. In charge of my own future. And I want to succeed.

How would you describe your disposition?
Generally cheerful, unless some nosy interviewer makes me all melancholy about my childhood. I like to keep a positive outlook about life. I’ve got to. It can always be worse. You gotta enjoy what you’re given before that happens.

I’m not sure that counts as optimistic.
No?

What’s your most important possession?
Hard to pick just one. My where-frog is more a pet than a possession, so I guess he can’t count in that sense. My magic wand and contraband pixie dust aren’t half-bad possessions, either. But I guess I’d have to say my teleportation ring.

Why is it special to you?
It means I haven’t screwed up being a Tooth Fairy yet—and that I can always get home. Home is good.

Do you play any sports?
Air hockey, like I told you. Other than that… not much.

What’s a normal day like for you?
Well, I wake up early afternoon because I work nights, right? So then I grab something to eat, dish a little with Maeve, head out to the back yard to practice spells—boy do we have a lot of pumpkins!—play a game or two, take a shower, and head off to the apprenticeship for job-shadowing. Can’t wait till I get my own solo assignments!

How did you react when your first “child” assignment turned out to be a half-naked man?
It was like a nightmare and a dream come true all at the same time. One look at that body and you knew that if you hadn’t dreamed out him before, you’d sure start now. And nightmare because he wouldn’t hand over the tooth! I mean, what the hell? I’m the freaking Tooth Fairy. Who tells the Tooth Fairy no?

Who do you spend the most time with?
Maeve, typically. She’s my roomie and my best friend. She’s a stickler for the rules and a bit of a know-it-all at times, but we’ve been friends since the cradle. She helps me with spells on her off days, and I let her borrow my shoes when she goes on dates.

Who is your hero?
Maybe my parents. They’re pretty awesome. Or Maeve. She’s pretty amazing, too… for a fuddy-duddy.

What makes you angry?
When I get frustrated with myself. Or when people try to tell me I have to do this and I can’t do that. That sort of thing drives me crazy.

What makes you laugh?
God, everything. Life is hilarious. There’s humor in everything, although my where-frog may not agree…

What are your moral values?
Well… to be honest, I’d have to say that I’m not too concerned with following the rules so long as you don’t intend for anyone or anything to get hurt. I’d do anything for my family and friends—including break rules. As long as you look out for others, you can look out for yourself, too.

Do you have any moles, scars, or birthmarks?
Just a horrible lack of wings. Sniff. Sniff.

What is your health like?
Fantastic. Fairies don’t get sick. We’re exempt from all human diseases, which is really nice.

How do you solve problems?
Attack it head-on, baby. That’s the only way to go. And when all else fails—turn it into a pumpkin.

What pain/lengths are you willing to endure?
Pain, not so much. I’m a pain wuss. Lengths… I guess just about anything. I frequently put myself waaaay out there to get what I want. Risk doesn’t bother me.

What do you value most in your life?
Family. Friends. Freedom. Apparently a lot of F words.

How do you think life should/does work?
It’s not that I think life should be easier. The challenges are what make it fun. Worth it. It’s just that I think people shouldn’t be judged too harshly for their mistakes. As long as they don’t keep making the same ones, of course. Too much. But if there’s an extra frog or pumpkin or two in the universe, does it really matter that much? Maybe, if you’re the frog or the pumpkin, but if you’re not, then maybe you should just let it go. That’s all I’m saying.

What was your most embarrassing moment?
I absolutely cannot pick one. Maybe the time I turned my carriage into a pumpkin with my mother and I still in it and we got gooey pumpkin innards in our hair. So what if we were on our way to my nephew Gabriel’s christening. God doesn’t judge people just because they have crusted pumpkin innards congealing in their hair. Or maybe final few minutes before my last date, when I aimed the wand toward my eyelashes and got cat whiskers instead. If he was a true gentleman, he wouldn’t have mentioned it. Or maybe it was the time my senior year in high school when I told everyone I’d finally earned my angel wings, when really I’d glued them on that morning. The glue came loose when I was reaching for a tray in the cafeteria and the class hunk tripped on it and broke his nose. I don’t think he’s ever forgiven me for that, although some guys can pull off a broken nose very well. He just wasn’t one of them. Or maybe the time—

Okay, I’m sure that’s enough for now. How does your career affect your personality?
Well, I don’t keep my careers for very long, so that’s hard to say. I guess with each failed one comes even greater determination to succeed in the future. No matter what it takes.

What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you?
Being born in a magical world without any discernable magical skills. It’s really tough to be successful when there’s not much you’re working with besides moxie and determination.

Those sound like good qualities.
Oh, they are. They are. But being magical would be even better. Who wouldn’t want a wand that really worked?